Ebola Guy Is Dead, Nothing To See Here

Remember in the old days of like a month or two ago when the government doctors said there was no reason to be concerned over the Ebola virus in Africa because it’s unlikely it would ever cross the shores, it’s not particularly contagious in countries with decent hygiene, and even if it did get to the U.S., it can be fairly easily treated in modern American hospitals. Yeah, well, Ebola Guy just died in his Dallas hospital. If you notice yourself seizing up with fever and bleeding profusely through your eyeballs, I’d highly recommend looking at one of those CDC charts that show how Ebola contagion only advances geometrically while colds and flu viruses expand exponentially in a population. Granted, having a cold won’t cause your spleen to turn to radish soup and come pouring out of your ass, but the bad ones can make you sniffle for days.

Overreaction can be as great an enemy to success as under-reaction. Still, it feels a whole lot better. We should nuke Dallas now. We don’t need to be obvious about it. We can blame the North Koreans like they do in the movies. Someone should also probably put a stop to the planned countrywide viewing tour of Ebola Guy’s body in an open casket. That seems unnecessarily risky.

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