Kim Kardashian’s Tits Sells Birthday Tickets

Whenever my birthday rolled around, my parents told me I could invite two friends for ice cream and a movie, the latter of which turned out to be a View Master slideshow under a blanket. We couldn’t even afford the Grand Canyon reel. It was usually just pictures of a sink hole in Florida my dad would cut from the newspaper and Scotch tape onto a yogurt cap. It wasn’t until years later I learned we were’t really poor, my parents just didn’t like me.

Kim Kardashian throws more lavish events every October to commemorate the first time Dead Robert Kardashian looked into her eyes and wondered if she was his. It helps to have nightclub sponsors in Vegas scooping gobs of cash down your top to lend your special day to their weekend promotional calendar. People used to see Sinatra perform in the nightclub then go upstairs and bone hookers in their bedroom. Now they put the hookers on blocks right in front of the nightclub. That’s a little thing called progress. Suck it, China.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet