Magic Johnson’s Daughter Seems Lovable

Sometimes when your dad contracts HIV through a fondness of boy girl boy orgies whilst married to your mother you don’t want to be familiar with the details of his life anymore. This plight is especially compounded when dad succeeds in becoming a beloved figurehead whose charitable tax write offs are seen as benevolent gestures. This anger manifests itself in absurdly passive aggressive ways, like your son becoming a 1970’s movie cliche queen stereotype and your adopted daughter implying she doesn’t give a shit about you so long as her trust fund remains in good standing. When asked about the Dodgers first round playoff collapse, Elisa Johnson blithely stated:

“My dad is probably doing really well … I don’t really watch baseball.”

Absorb that jab from your refurbished recliner, Magic. I’m surprised she wasn’t wearing a Matt Carpenter jersey with the slogan, My Real Dad Doesn’t Have The AIDS, written across it trouncing around Dodger Stadium. I’m not sure Magic has had one conversation with any given family member since signing the gag order. It’s a modern day Mexican Standoff where everyone wins or loses depending on how you look at it. Except for the Dodgers. They definitely lost.

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