New York High School Students Packing

The NYPD just released the stats of all the weapons seized from city high schoolers last year and the results are you should move your family to Connecticut. Confiscated items include guns, boxcutters, tasers, knives, and more than likely at least one scythe some asshole emo kid was packing. The NYPD’s spokesman explained this seems way worse than it is because even goody two shoes types have to arm themselves against the known zombies and militias currently rotting the city’s core:

“They just feel safe having a weapon in their possession.”

That’s not a huge endorsement of your department, Sir. Many of these weapons are discovered via metal detector, which help promote a culture of learning and unyielding fear. Girl students in Taliban controlled Afghanistan have less concerns about being gunned down than average New York high school students.  Everyone is packing. Slip a Derringer or at the very least a broken off toothbrush into your kid’s lunch pale starting around grade one. That goes for the nerds too. AP classes don’t make you bullet proof.

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