Nicole Richie Seems Composed

Nicole Richie celebrated the replacement of her last natural body part over the weekend with a fancy no-food party at Bloomingdales. It saddens me that women ever feel the need scalpel and inject and Scented Magic Marker themselves into unrecognizable collagen sculptures. Not the ugly ones obviously. You’re going to want to head to the Peruvian jungle clinic for that illegal face transplant. But Nicole Richie wasn’t a bad looking chick. Her dad Craigslist bartering her to Lionel Richie for three guitar picks and a bottle of Thunderbird probably stuck a permanent puncture wound in her esteem. But you need to learn to fill those cracks with narcotics and booze and other things that leave your system far sooner than the elemental chart nonmetals that have a half life of ten Cleveland Browns Super Bowls. Better dead than Versace.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI