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Nobody Bitches Like College Grads

October 21, 2014 | WTF | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

I thought we had agreed as a capitalist society that when you buy something you can’t afford, that’s sort of your fault. When somebody loses their mortgage in Vegas, we all chime in that they learned a valuable lesson. When the hot trophy wife gets a middle aged man in massive credit card debt, we all say that tool had a good run while it lasted. But somehow the college racket is different. You take out high risk markers up the wazoo and when you find yourself deep in debt you can’t afford, you pitch a fit on Wall Street or write Huff Po editorials decrying the system.

If you’re looking to expand your horizons on the history of art or fine literature of learn some ancient Mayan, flipping fantastic. It’s great to be well-rounded. Now pay for it. It’s relatively inexpensive at in-state colleges. It’s far more expensive at private schools. If you’re interested in learning computer engineering or accounting or nursing, far better because you will actually find a job to pay back your loans.

The government bears a large responsibility. Not just for driving up the cost of college through subsidies, but because they sell this nonsense line of ‘must go to college’ here’s some guaranteed loans you certainly don’t qualify for that will crush you in the future. They’re the ultimate hucksters. Before you let some 18-year old borrow a nickel, put up a big fucking Impact font disclaimer they must read aloud: it is almost certain I will never make back this loan money and I will be in wretched debt forever. I still agree not to be a super bitch and ask everybody else to cover me when this happens, because it will. Signed me and my stupid parents if I’m not yet eighteen. Now then, shut the fuck up and eat the shit cake you just baked.

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