Russell Brand Wrestles With Truth

Russell Brand addressed the casual speculation and educated guesses that he simply has to be gay. Brand broke up with his girlfriend and took the opportunity to expound on his sexuality. It’s not that anyone gives a fuck but sometimes you want to hear someone say it so you can go “Yep” and move on. Like I Love You or Harder. Due to his appearance, behavior, and speaking voice, Brand has chip on his shoulder regarding the topic. Its like Kareem Abdul Jabbar discussing basketball:

“I wish I was bisexual. That’s one of the things about me where I’ve got a very traditional moral code. I’m tedious with my heterosexuality.”

That isn’t how a straight dude responds to that question. Slightly later Brand altered his tone, coming close to self actualization before removing his toe from the pond:

“I wanked off a man in a toilet… I thought, ‘I think of myself as heterosexual but perhaps that’s cause of the environment that I grew up in where homosexuality may have been difficult for me to express.”

Maybe a few more perms and some new jewelry and you’ll get there, buddy. In the meantime it may not be productive to rattle the one fat woman in Iowa who assumes you’re straight with talk of jerking off dudes in bathrooms. She’s buying tickets because she think she’s still got a shot.

Photo Credit: Twitter