Harvard Digging Anal

The nation’s premiere University is teaching kids how to properly fuck each other in the ass. You’re charging $65K a year to attend, you’ve got to come with something stronger than French Lit and The Role of Civic Design in Greco-Roman Political Theater.

The idea of a course in the Sodomitic arts might seem crass, but it’s probably a good idea. Animals don’t need lessons on how to copulate. From Kardashians on up the chain to dung beetles, crawling creatures will eventually stumble their way into the mating position. But all this other sodomy that people do just for the fun of it, you probably ought get some training. You could poke an eye out, or a polyp. You need to wrap that shit and put it on ice.

According to the CDC, 44-percent of hetero men and 36-percent of hetero women say they’ve delved into penis to ass extracurriculars. In the very least that stat tells me a few ladies out there have had more than one dick in their ass. If the CDC wanted to become cool again, it would release the names and numbers of those happening ladies.

I’m not against getting off in ways that nature likely never intended. Stick your dick in a table vise and hit it with the 50-grit belt sander if that makes you win the splooge olympics.  Just don’t kill other people with your kinky shit. Harvard isn’t just a place that matriculates arrogant twats, it’s a forward thinking institution that might just save your girlfriend from mule kicking you in the nut sack while you perforate her rectum.