Justin Bieber Wanted

Some judge in Argentina is one of the only people this side of twelve who still wants to talk to Justin Bieber. A year ago his bodyguards roughed up a photographer outside of a club who was there to take photos of a dude from local television who dresses like a snail. Now Biebs is wanted for questioning. It has taken this long to summon him due to the Argentine legal system’s strict policy of daily six hour siestas consisting of cheese and egg dishes and their civilized and highly evolved sangria chugging contests. Bieber can return to face questioning at which point he will either be subjected to a yearlong prison sentence or become Argentina’s president depending on what FARC is up to. Or he can just forget about going back there forever like most people who visit do the following week. I’d take my chances. He’s already up to his knees is questionably legal pussy. Why not move to a country where you won’t be a midget and the age of consent is lower? Your shitty songs may garner you some quality poon, You’re already a pariah so go hog wild. Argentina really is just Canada South. Goodbye, Justin, you’ll be missed.

Photo Credit: Instagram