Mama June Lands On Bottom

Mama June has been having trouble explaining to her children that the guy who fathered one or more of them is a convicted child rapist named Mark McDaniel whom she has most likely been blowing while wearing Hello Kitty maternity gear. Her aptly named daughter Pumpkin was starting to get resentful of the whole story like most of America. Mama June decided to clear the air on Dr Phil’s show which was shrewd because his core audience consists of awfully stupid people who take that people in glass houses motto pretty seriously. That’s when she revealed Pumpkin’s father not to be McDaniel, but a totally separate convicted child sex offender who was busted on To Catch A Predator a few years ago.

Following this story is like eating a trail of shit that eventually leads you to a litter box. This is the box. Much like the universe is thought to collapse onto itself, Mama June has just inadvertently furthered humanity by forcing it to rebound against its own negative energy. Its time for us to move forward.

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