Putin Has The Biggest Balls of Them All

Vladimir Putin might be a gay-hating arrogant sinister ex-KGB topless horseback riding prick of a dictator, but he’s got actual nads. I don’t know who was the biggest pussy on the Asian Pacific Summit of important world leaders dais, but it wasn’t the Russian leader who took off his stupid ceremonial purple shawl and wrapped it around the cold wife of Xi Jinping, China’s highest ranking commie and mediocre golfer. Putin’s inappropriately slick move immediately created a Putin’s-cuckolding-the-Chinese-leader meme on the Asian Internet, causing Chinese Internet scrubbers to stay up all night with their censor brushes. They also slaughtered some Tibetan monks and ruptured a damn drowning thousands just to remind people who’s in charge.

Putin’s already revered among Chinese women for his masculinity and prowess. Sort of like Brentwood moms revere Obama for his willingness to pretend he understands menopause. Only Putin is probably sticking it to the Chinese leader’s wife for real, while Obama only raw dogs Gwyneth Paltrow during her lavender scented candle baths.

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