Abu Dhabi Seems Like a Good Place For Killing (VIDEO)

An American kindergarten teacher in Abu Dhabi got whacked in a mall bathroom because it turns out radical Muslims don’t cotton to Westerners coming to their Caliphate and trying to do that education thing. Thanks to strict gun control laws, the mother of twins was merely stabbed to death by this Islamic assassin which is sad, but not a huge surprise, given that the American embassy was telling American school teachers in the Mideast that they were targets for assassination. I once tutored a kid and it was rewarding, but if I knew a zealot with a sickle didn’t approve of my spreading the word of Algebra, I would have forsaken the ten bucks an hour and found work in a shawarma shack.

The murderer is known by the authorities as the Reem Island Ghost, because the police in Abu Dhabi fancy themselves Steve and Velma cruising in the Mystery Machine solving supernatural frights. He’s actually a dude who is able to get away with dressing in black burqa robes from head to toe and perfectly fitting in. It’s like a fat guy wearing cargo pants and a Sooner Nation t-shirt in Vegas. You’re going to blend. In Abu Dhabi, when the police ask you if you noticed anything out of the ordinary, you just say, not really, just a dude dressed entirely in black wielding a blade and praying loudly to Allah in a shopping mall ladies room. You actually do see that everyday.

Watch the video so you can hear the dramatic music the Abu Dhabi police added to the CCTV footage. This seems like it’s really exciting for them. Or they don’t give a shit. One of the two.