Commies Threaten Theater Goers

The anonymous hackers infuriated by the film The Interview have threatened to blow up the theater where the film will be shown to modestly interested movie goers curious mostly about the infuriated anonymous hackers.

“Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made. The world will be full of fear. Remember the 11th of September 2001. We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time. (If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.) Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment. All the world will denounce the SONY.”

Fuck, now I have to go just because I’m American and I like slightly above average comedies. I’ll be sure to Tweet you which theater to your outdated Blackberry just to be certain you’re full of shit. Since you can barely afford stale rice I’m not counting on you having the recourses to take out a Cineplex. Especially when you just invited every angry white guy in mom jeans to occupy the theater with some fucking Open Carry. Better not show your face. It’s BYOB assholes. The Interview just made my Oscar list.

Photo Credit: Twitter