Government Denies Comfortable Balls

The US Patent and Trade Office has denied a Norwegian underwear company called Comfyballs the right to register their patent. Comfyballs are popular across Europe due to their PackageFront technology, which basically puts your balls on a shelf in front of your body so they stay dry and look huge. The Trade Office has allowed all kinds of ‘balls’ puns to be issued in the past, but felt this one was not clever enough:

“The mark does not create a double entendre or other idiomatic expression. When used in this way, the word, ‘balls’ has an offensive meaning.”

Is Lorne Michaels heading up this bureaucracy? Are these fuckers part of the Mark Twain Appreciation Society or a rickety government agency? What do they care about the idiomatic significance of the brand? They make your balls comfortable the same way a Wave Runner runs over the fucking waves. I’m glad this is where my tax dollars are going. These assholes in D.C. are fantasizing they’re in Letterman’s Writers Room and meanwhile my balls are sticking to my thighs during the muggy season. I hate when Europeans think they’re so superior to Americans and are right about it. Book my flight to Oslo I’m coming with an empty duffle bag.

Photo Credit: Comfyballs.com