If A Tree Falls In The Forest Did You Get Punched In The Face?

Hot Russian chick Marta Varlamova now claims her L.A. Kings husband Slava Voynov didn’t hit her in the face and she just ran into a flat screen TV while they were arguing over who whose mom makes the better borscht. Seems plausible, except to the LAPD who claim Marta told them on the record that Voynov went Ray Rice on her face. They’re insisting on domestic assault charges. Marta insists it’s all a misunderstanding stemming from her annoying accent and the cops both individually and as a group thinking about fucking her. Who knows why Marta changed her story. Maybe Slava phoned a guy he’s got back in Moscow and threatened to her entire family killed out to the third cousins. That runs you about forty bucks in the Motherland. The odds are strong they’ll have weird passionate Russian make-up sex that ends up as ‘Hot Chick Pays the Landlord With Her Pussy’ on RedTube. Getting face punched hurts less when your country’s main profession is standing around with a paper bag in your hand leaking bathtub vodka. Victimhood is entirely relative.

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