Jessica Hart In Painted On Bikini

Jessica Hart posed for Porter Magazine in a painted on gold bikini. I feel weird when I wear boxer briefs at the Hard Rock pool because I forgot to bring swim trunks. Actually that might be justified. Even getting a massage and begging for a hand job afterwards seems oddly personal, and I’m covered in a towel no matter how many times I remove it. I feel none of this compares to the feeling of having the inner region of your ass crack painted with golden twinkly paint. Don’t let it start to tickle, if you climax the process must be started over. Time is money. The stirrups and constant coughing make a communal shower seem comfortable by comparison. Then there’s having your anus blow dried. All just to sell some ad space for Ralph Lauren. Beats a cubicle.

Photo Credit: Porter Magazine