Keanu Reeves Is The Best Person

Keanu Reeves waited outside in the rain for 20 minutes before getting into the premiere party of his own movie, Daughter of God. Reeves apparently didn’t want to drop any celebrity lines to the bouncers because suffering through obstacles in monk-like fashion simply garners him more pussy. Or he just figures my life is easy enough already. Plus, I’m stoned out of my gourd so I’ll just stand here and sing Behind Blue Eyes in my head for a while. Why go inside just to get bothered by these desperate chicks in stilettos. I can’t wait to get home anyway, pour a thrice malted scotch and stare into my cat’s eyes while somebody I mostly hope is a girl drains my body of semen until I can think clearly again. I wish him the best. If this dude can’t be a bitchy mystic what hope do the rest of us have?

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