Terrorists Get Desperate, Target Madonna

Madonna had a bunch of unreleased tracks hacked which came as a shock to everybody who assumed she stopped making music in 1995. Madonna described the hack as an “act of terrorism.” This came on the same day 132 children were killed in Pakistan, marking a true tragedy in that they only got to hear the un-mixed versions of the shit they play in the bathrooms at gay bars before their gooses were splattered. Now she’s apologized, although she wants you to know she’s still really uncomfortable. She explained how the Internet is a Series of Tubes which has left her vulnerable to the hackers who spy through her bathtub drain. Unclear whether they can see anything worse than you cornholing a dude with a strap-on, which you’ve published in a book because you’re so edgy. My guess is it’s far more boring. In fact, given nobody cares, I’ll confirm it.

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