In between wishing Adam Levine to drown in the tiniest of urine puddles, there’s some begrudging respect for being in a band and using it to bone tons of hot women. That’s execution to a solid plan. I flipped the TV on in the middle of the night recently and saw that same fortunate fuck talking about how he had Domino’s pizza skin until he tried this acne cream that gave him a clear complexion and the power to stick his dick inside foreign lingerie models. I ordered some. I want skin like polished alabaster and the sensation of a Namibian woman shrieking shit in Zulu on top of my neglected manhood. Two years from now if you flip on the TV screen in the middle of the night and see me hawking the cream, you can wish me dead in that same piss puddle. That will only make it sweeter.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret