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Gaby Hoffman Makes Placenta Smoothies

January 8, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston | 0 Comments

Nothing says you think the sun shines out of your asshole like drinking smoothies containing your own placenta for a three week period following the birth of your child. If a guy used an umbilical cord to hang a tire swing in the yard or started brushing his teeth with his own jizz he’d probably be 5150’d before the sun went down. Why does this psychotic Wiccan behavior fly when it involves your filthy granola laden afterbirth? I guess because pregnant chicks are allowed to eat as much ice cream as they want or sort of just delve into cannibalism if it mellows their hormones enough to let you get a night out with friends:

“I had a home birth, so my midwife and my doula took it and cut it up into 20 pieces and froze it, and every day, I put it in a blender with strawberries and blueberries and guava juice and a banana, and I drank that shit up. Placenta, placenta, placenta. Just eat that s–t up, and it does a girl good.”

I’m not sure it does, because you’re creeping us the fuck out. Whatever, to each his own. Eat a placenta, don’t vaccinate your kids so the neighbor children die of measles. You do you. You’re an artist! I look forward to the baby’s shitty poetry and interpretive dance. Just don’t let the kid get into child acting, I heard that fucks people up pretty good.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Tags: gaby hoffmann



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