It’s a matter of opinion as to who among the group of girlfriends is the one staying home on Saturday night, but I’ll randomly bet behind the one who resembles a Tim Burton stop-motion character. Goldie Hawn insisted on accredited university degrees for the dude who slices her up on the regular. Her daughter only needs a couple toxin needles here and there. But that Corpse Bride really got the shaft. You have to believe they stitched her back together then realized there were still some pieces left on the medical tray. Like when you put together an Ikea bookshelf. You can tell yourself those three hex bolts and the half-inch screw were just drunk Swedes fucking up the count at the factory. But deep down you know that fucker is caving in one day. Now, imagine that’s your face.
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