Jared Leto Hawks Fannypack

Jared Leto posted a shirtless pic of himself wearing a fannypack, which conveniently contained a link to his merch page. On the site you can buy his dumb fucking hipster fanny pack for $32.00 or a photo book he made about Haiti or a poster which says “Sleep. Dream. Wake. Attack. Create. Fight. Fuck. Win. Sleep. Dream” followed by the caption “Hurry! We currently have 3 in stock” or a Vegan Leather Cuff, or some Socks. Or you could go down to the hardware store and buy some razor blades while you run a bath. All the shit comes with Leto’s stupid logo he designed for himself so you’ll know who to punch at the Erewhon wheat grass bar.

This confirms my suspicion that Leto is an androgynous Thetan from another galaxy. You just won an Oscar and you’re slinging fanny packs? I’m not seeing the end game here. Clearly he’s being programmed by outside forces to embody different living beings and hawk merch for David Miscavige. His Dallas Buyers performance was annoying but didn’t sound any alarms. I’m calling the Men in Black on this one. Mormons, activate.

Photo Credit: Instagram