Designated Ugly Fat Friend

Now that women have more power in Hollywood, they’re making movies for teen girls exactly like men used to make them. Every high school movie has to be about an ugly duckling who turns the tables on the popular girls and wins the guy. This is the nearly precise definition of pornography for young women. This will never happen to you, but for a few minutes you can tickle your genitals pretending it might. Just like I might grow a ponytail and deliver a pizza to a MILF who wants to pay me with sex and it’s cool because she’s been recently tested. When the lights come up, we’re both playing Candy Crush alone in the bathtub eyeing the razor. Make Mean Girls again. It wasn’t bad the first time.

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