Eddie Redmayne Nails Down Next Oscar

British actor nobody’s ever heard of, Eddie Redmayne wasted no time in locking down Oscar number two, agreeing to portray Einar Wegener, the world’s first transgender reassignment patient. Imagine the harrowing tale of a 1930’s Danish male artists who becomes a woman through experimental surgeries and drinking of green martinis at European soccer tailgates.  Set against the backdrop of Nazi Germany rising to the southern border?  Just go grab that 2016 statuette now. The transgender community is going to wet themselves through their chosen set of genitalia. I’m already in tears over the seemingly unanticipated acceptance speech. Thank your hot wife again, thank your agent, and thank the guy who figured out precisely where on a cock to make the first cut, because once you fuck that up the vagina never feels right.