Fuck This Commie Bastard

Montana State Rep David Moore got pissed after a naked bicycle tour rode through his quaint hometown in Montana. He retrieved his number two pencil from its desk position at a ninety-degree angle to his stapler and drafted some Sharia law which would:

“Outlaw any nipple exposure by men or women, along with any clothing that gives the appearance or simulates the buttocks, genitals, pelvic area, or female nipple and would ban men from wearing Speedo style swimwear in public.”

It was brought up to Moore that his new bill would mean state police would be compelled to shoot women who wear yoga pants in the kneecaps. Since Moore is a eunuch with a crush on his first cousin he responded:

“Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway.”

Kiss your next election goodbye sir. You’ve offended women, men, and whatever the fuck group you belong to. Women should be free to work out in yoga pants and I should be free to scout out which of them I get behind in line at Whole Foods. What you’re advocating is an asexual dystopia and I hope you enjoy it because your lumberjack and hippy constituency is going to bound together and get you on the next flight to Syria. Bring your cousin or your heard of sheep. You just pushed the red alarm button fucko.

Photo Credit: Mt.gov