Kim Kardashian Opens Wide

Kim Kardashian’s tits are the window to her soul. The porn star opened her sanctuary of deep thoughts for an interview conducted by Cara Delevingne. Should you ever be interviewed by a rich British chick who’s finger banging your half-sister, forget the pretense. She already knows.

The buxom brunette admitted that her favorite sexual position is “from the back” and that there’s no such thing as being “too big.”

Naturally, you don’t build a castle then fit it with a tiny door. People, animals, large motorized equipment, they all need to pass. Kim dismissed the notion that her sex tape was the stepping stone to all her amazing accomplishments as both a woman and a whore:

Maybe that’s how some people heard about me, but I didn’t launch my career off of that…That was 12 years ago, no 13 years ago now.

Or eight. Followed six months later by the launch of the E! reality show that made her famous.

When someone asks me, ‘What do you do?’ Under my breath I want to say, ‘Ask my fucking bank account what I do.

To be fair, that’s a good line. Because, fuck you for ever putting down how anyone makes their money. We’re not Salem pilgrims sinisterly entranced by the loose town witch.

“I always pee all over my Spanx, it’s a disaster. They aren’t crotchless enough!”

Trust me when I say that nobody who pulls down your drawers expects you to smell fresh. Kim also conceded that Kourtney once dashed behind the drapes to take a leak on a Miami hotel lobby floor. Are these girls pigs or just completely awesome free spirits? You are correct. The answer was pigs.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet