Lupita Nyong’o’s Gown Victimized

Lupita Nyong’o, who played the chick you fantasized about bending over a saw horse while your pursed your face in consternation watching Twelve Years A Slave, had her Oscar dress stolen from her hotel room. The gown was adorned with 6,000 White Akoya pearls and is worth $150,000 if you believe the insurance claims. Normally I think thieves should have their hands cut off but fuck this shit. There’s no reason a human should be wearing a dress worth more than my house while our veterans are roaming the streets for half eaten quarter pounders. I hope the cleaning lady hawks it on the black market and puts her sixteen children through college or at least mechanic school. Or just goes rogue and wears it to a Pollo Locco and goes out in a blaze of glory. I wonder if Robin Hood had a meth addiction. Chain it up outside next time.

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