The Grammy’s Finally Stopped

There’s that moment when you realize you’re watching Madonna with the Alvin Ailey rejected applicants prancing behind her and you just want to brush your Chucky doll’s hair and forget about the world for a while. Fuck me, Grammy’s. You got me again. That aging grandma matador, that funky looking Australian rapper who looked like the queen in an albino chess set, and Taylor Swift who climbed to the top of the Staples Center roof and dared the biplanes to shoot her down. Somewhere in there they passed out all the awards to that sensitive British dude who who looks like the boy who rescues his cousin who didn’t get invited to the prom. Then handed Beck some ginormous trophy just to remind everybody Grammy voters simply still aren’t comfortable with black people winning the big awards. When this Sia chick showed up with the twelve year old girl who’s mom she paid to let her be raped by Shia LaBeouf I knew it was time to switch to Downton Abbey. It’s amazing what feels manly after an hour of the Grammy’s.

Photo credits: FameFlynet/Getty Images