David Crosby Ran a Guy Over

David Crosby ran over a jogger near his Santa Barbara home. It’s cool, the jogger’s going to live and Crosby won’t be needing a fourth liver. If you’re thinking Crosby plowed into the runner because he was high or drunk or fat or masturbating himself with his cock stretched over the bottom of the steering wheel to provide more CSN&Y babies for Melissa Etheridge, you’re wrong. But a very good guesser. Crosby’s Tesla hugs the road at 55 while making no noise. Remember when you used to hear combustion and yell ‘car!’ and everybody stepped onto the sidewalk to safety? Now you spittle out the word ‘car’ as the EMTs collect femur chunks from the side of the road and ask you what the fuck happened. If the cost of moving from fossil fuels to fossil fuel generated electricity is handicapping a few middle aged pedestrians, I’m game. I want my children to have trees. I stand with the Lorax. Maybe get a horn.