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March 25, 2015 | WTF | matt-ralston | 0 Comments
Clothing store H&M has been selling T-Shirts of metal bands which don’t exist because the dumbasses who shop at H&M don’t know the difference. Buy them and say you went to the concert and got loaded even though you don’t venture anywhere that doesn’t have a Wetzel’s within a fifty foot radius and your dental insurance policy specifically states no small venues. H&M to their credit did not stop with making the fake band T-Shirts. They’ve begun creating fake websites, Facebook, and Twitter accounts for the non-existent bands they’re pushing. They’re also inventing people who don’t exist to review the albums which don’t exist. Until now. They announced they have created:
“A demonstration sampler… showcasing the talents of these old-school underground metal talents.”
Translated, they are hiring out of work metal musicians to create shitty songs to be attributed to the bands they created to sell T-Shirts instead of just admitting they made up the bands. The songs have interesting titles such as “Vaginal Juice Dripping Into Cadaverous” and “Holocaust Tomb.” It seems some of the bands H&M invented have ties to the White Supremacy scene. Maybe that’s their demo. Next time you see a teenager wearing a Misfits shirt as him where he got it. Then strip it off him and call his mom from his Life Alert. This is the end of days.
UPDATE: I may have fucked up. While it is certain H&M created the fake band names, it remains unclear whether they had anything to do with creating webpages or music for the bands. It is possible they were being trolled.
Photo Credit: Hm.com/us