NFL Player Pens Mathematics Paper

John Urschel, offensive guard for the Baltimore Ravens, published a paper in the Journal of Computational Mathematics. Before your world falls apart and you raid a Costco realize Urschel is Canadian. The title of the paper is “A Cascadic Multigrid Algorithm for Computing the Fielder Vector of Graph Laplacians.” Right on. If that doesn’t make sense, Urschel elaborates:

“In this paper, we develop a cascadic multigrid algorithm for fast computation of the Fiedler vector of a graph Laplacian, namely, the eigenvector corresponding to the second smallest eigenvalue. This vector has been found to have applications in ?elds such as graph partitioning and graph drawing. The algorithm is a purely algebraic approach based on a heavy edge coarsening scheme and pointwise smoothing for re?nement. To gain theoretical insight, we also consider the related cascadic multigrid method in the geometric setting for elliptic eigenvalue problems and show its uniform convergence under certain assumptions.”

How is this guy not famous? I know domestic violence cuts across all demographics but I bet it cuts across mathematical nerds just an eigenvector or two less than most. The Kardashians are household names who fart around in their crotchless pajamas and can’t even properly measure the size of the dicks they’re taking. If you have kids I’d implore you to buy them an Urschel jersey. Get one for your racist uncle too. There aren’t many role models left since they stopped airing those Werther’s Original commercials. Watch the helmet to helmet guys, our world depends on it.

Photo Credit: Twitter