People Really Want to Get Thinner the Easy Way

A product called the Cool Fat Burner which is a vest you put ice packs in and wear around has raised $114,000 on IndieGoGo. The theory is that being cold speeds up your metabolism so you start burning calories while you wear this under your clothes and get beat down at the airport. The product starts at $60 and goes up to $270 if you trigger Siberia mode and completely stop your circulation. I have a few questions. If this product worked wouldn’t people get thinner in the winter? Does constantly icing your lungs pose any health threats? Why is my couch all wet and what the fuck is the matter with you. There are no shortcuts in nature. In fact I think it has a vendetta against people who try. If you buy this you’ll most likely be hit by a Mac truck while the driver plays a portable X-Box. Take a job in a meat locker you’ll be winning cage fights by Christmas.

Photo Credit: IndieGoGo.com