Powdered Booze Is On The Way

The FDA has approved a product called Palcahol for sale in the U.S. It is a powdered alcohol you can mix with water and promptly have the time of your life or die trying. The products approved are a cosmopolitan, margarita, vodka, and rum. Several states are concerned about Palcahol being abused because of the obvious widespread teenage snorting trend that will make 20/20 for a month of sweep weeks. More so than the unavoidable deaths I think their main issue is the tax revenue which will be lost when every Buffalo Bills fan is packing the equivalent of a pallet of Fleischmann’s into the stadium in compression shorts. The company’s founder Mark Phillips claims he invented it so he could enjoy a cocktail after hiking or other outdoor activities without having to carry jugs of liquor around. Another interesting thing about Phillips is he’s a fucking liar. Imagine the stadium brawls. The airplane seizures. The prison riots. The fact there will no longer be a sober juror in this country. So many possibilities. Thanks Mark. Yes, I’m obviously trying this.

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