Angelina Jolie Updates the U.N.

Angelina Jolie will take a break from freaking out her kids with her preventative organ removals for matters of international importance. Like when the United Nations Security Council calls her in to solve the Syrian refugee problem. Having a high school dropout with severe emotional problems as your chief figurer outer on Syrian refugees doesn’t mean you’re not a competent organization, it probably just suggests you could operate out of a strip mall with something less than six billion in funding. I may be alone in thinking Angelina should be good at her day job before we let her take weekend control of the world army of blue helmets and French diplomats with a penchant for hotel maid rape. The UN gets nothing done so this is mostly for show. It’s like when you ask your girlfriend how can you be a better boyfriend. Everybody gets laid for a night and feels like they’ve made progress. Come morning, you’ve got ten thousand Syrian Shias dead in a ditch but there’s always more girlfriends.

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