TV celebrity chef Bobby Flay cheated on his wife with a hostess he met in one of his restaurants. Flay quickly promoted her to his personal assistant so everybody would be super suspicious. Flay’s disgruntled wife is Law and Order: SVU actress, Stephanie March, whose discerning mugging has convinced every menopausal woman in America that every dude not cast on a sitcom should check a box that says either Rapist or Bigger Rapist. Flay has apparently been boning Elyse Tirrell for roughly ten years, which is double the length of a traditional marriage. Who says men have a hard time with commitment? If not for Flay’s pesky wife this would be a love story for the ages. Ironically Tirrell was a part of what Flay calls his B Team, which is a hoard of assistants he tasks with making YouTube videos, blowing him, and talking shit about him behind his back. Just recently his mistress was featured on his website explaining how to make a tomatillo horseradish shrimp cocktail which is a great way to impress house guests and give them diarrhea. It’s unclear if Tirrell will be bumped up to varsity or if Flay will sign a free agent to wax his dick while she remains in the Sea Org. I should’ve gone to cooking school.
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