Getty Heir Suffers Traumatic Rectal Injury, And Also Death

Just hope that when your number is called the words ‘traumatic rectal injury’ are not part of the coroner’s report. Police found oil fortune heir Andrew Getty dead in his Hollywood Hills home. His girlfriend called the cops to alert them of his condition. Getty had a restraining order out against her but once you’re in his house standing over the deceased body, you might as well make the call. The cause of rigor mortis is currently uncertain, but that bloody busted rectum was mentioned as noteworthy. When is it not? Cops had been regulars to Andrew Getty’s home on domestic calls. Getty and this chick were typically super fucking high and shrieking, but when you’re rich, the cops just politely ask you not to kill each other. Should’ve said pretty please.

Mega money is a curse. If you have the next ten thousand hours free you will eventually end up scheduling pills and sex with other people on pills just so your iCal isn’t empty. From there it’s a straight line to the ditch. Maybe reaching 47 isn’t so bad in these circumstances. If I’d hit the ATM at age 20 and the balance was ten million dollars I would’ve last three days tops. That disappointing $17.42 tally is what keeps you alive. Have to get to work. Speedballs and sex while driving a dangerous road at midnight maybe tomorrow.

Photo credit: Getty Images, yeah, I get the irony, the agency was started by this dude’s first cousin

UPDATE: the girlfriend was an aspiring model with big plump knockers. This explains the ‘why’ part of ‘why the fuck would you keep a crazy ass annoying girlfriend’. You can see some of her photos HERE.