Heidi Klum Plays It Rich

Heidi Klum got herself cast in the latest Sia video about melancholy girls in underwear lighting men on fire, the summary visual definition of feminism. Heidi makes out a lot with the dude who got his head exploded in Game of Thrones before they torch her house and she runs out with the wig of the little girl the pedo bear cast in Sia’s previous three videos. At some point they close in on the lingerie Heidi’s wearing revealing it’s her own branded line available at numerous department stores with previously worn versions for sale on Craigslist. If you ever wondered what would happen if models had brains, this is it. Not mountain top strongholds with lasers like I previously predicted. Heidi Klum is worth $70 million. She banged, gestated, worked, contracted, and plotted every single dollar therein. She won’t ever get a school holiday like that dude who helped migrant strawberry pickers get raises from 30 cents an hour to 34 cents an hour, but young people should study her just the same. This German chick is America’s last chance.

Photo Credit: Sia “Fire Meet Gasoline”