Jessica Alba Makes It Rain With Tampons

Men want to be with Jessica Alba, women want to pay millions for her organic diapers. She’s selling all natural baby products to young moms with stupid cash and an eco-conscious. Alba’s now set to roll out the world’s first organic tampon with 100% plant based applicator. That’s $12.99 to plug your monthly with ground flora like they teach girls in Russian survival camps. I bet Alba makes it sound awesome. She’s hauling in bank with her Honest Company the way smart people do, by being a raging sexist asshole at work:

I’ve made people cry. “I have to say, ‘This isn’t personal. This is what needs to get done, and it’s just as simple as that. My [business] partners are men. Whenever I say something that’s kind of against their intuition, they go back and talk to their wives. And then their wives usually agree with me. So that’s how we get stuff done over here.

Dumb male bitches. Tuck in your cocks and get back to work or I’ll show you how long it takes this organic applicator to bio-degrades in your ass. Jessica Alba might just be the perfect woman.