James Harden Pay To Play

According to dubious sources, bearded goon James Harden of the Houston Rockets paid this stripper $100,000 to go on a date with him. Whether true or not he definitely got her front row seats to Game 7 and she requires bench seating and at least five soft pretzels so that’s a healthy investment. Her name is Maliah Michel and she has many hobbies which include taking selfies with her phone pointed downwards in order to distort her body so that her ass appears blown out and her legs are the size of turkey drumsticks.

Normally I’d say a professional athlete wouldn’t have to resort to paying six figures to fuck a Houston area stripper with what appears to be a thyroid condition but we’re talking about a guy who can put on a two thousand dollar suit and still scare the shit out of the valet. If James Harden is generously worth $100 million then he is paying 1/1000th of his net worth to splurge all over her. So at first glance, if you had a thousand dollars in the bank she’s a can of Barq’s, although when factoring in taxes, agency fees, and a preternatural attachment to shiny things you’re looking at more of a used moped. Step up your game. You can get the clap for free at most newspaper stands. Find a nice girl. They’ll probably let you into the high schools.

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