Loretta Sanchez Whoops It Up (VIDEO)

Congresswoman Loretta Sanchez’s signature shrill voice and super duper Latina Latina-ness convinced her it was time to run for U.S. Senate. Speaking to a gathering of Indian-Americans in the California Democratic caucus, or, precisely three people, Sanchez opened with a rousing tale about being called by an Indian-American political activist who wanted to support her campaign for a reason nobody could even make up. Sanchez wanted to land a funny ha-ha so she reminded her scant audience that this was Indian-American as in dark skinned Spelling Bee domination, not Indian-American whoop whoop me scalp you with me tomahawk Indian-American. She mimed the signature cliche Native American tribal vocalization made famous in racist cartoons since Disney could draw. Sanchez’ opponent, who happens to be half Indian-American (oh, press the fuck me I’m fucked button) called Sanchez’ mockery to be as horrible as the Holocaust or carbon dioxide emissions then laughed because she just won the election.

Sanchez apologized and reminded everybody that she doesn’t work from pre-prepared speeches which only made her seem more stupid. Even a monkey will hop on a tiny little monkey bicycle when he needs to get somewhere fast. Her staff and volunteers ran as fast as they could to any reporter’s microphone to play down the racist moment:

[Loretta Sanchez] would never be racist against anyone. She embraces all diversity. I think she thought she was being funny and didn’t realize there were people who would be offended.

You’d have to search for up to one half of a second to find the hypocrisy in that explanation. Maybe less time if you’d seen Sanchez decry the Washington Redskins team name. She is Latina, which by laws of quantum physics means she can’t be racist, no matter how many black and Jewish and wampum trader jokes she makes. This could’ve been a teachable moment for Sanchez to remind everybody to lighten the fuck up, but instead she and the We Pals gang decided to double down on preaching political correctness and hope this one passed. We once hunted the buffalo. Now, we live on a reservation of whores. Today, we are all injuns.