P Diddy Doing It Right

Sean Combs has six children with three different women yet has never married, solidifying his status as a role model for deadbeat dads who don’t understand he’s paying for private school and there’s more to life than the Elephant Bar. Combs newest girlfriend is a model he met while casting his latest fragrance ad which worked out well because he didn’t have to leave the building. Just print your test results on the back of your head shot and make sure they’re two weeks current. Combs explains that he’s not yet ready for the commitment of marriage unlike having six children which requires cancelling a few orgies when the water breaks:

“I don’t want to be going to courts and having somebody be like interfere in my relationships… I will give a contract. I will commit to a contract. A love contract.”

That’s when you get slapped in the face if your body guards aren’t within earshot. Included in Combs’ Love Contract is a non-disclosure agreement and a DNA testing kit. You’re going to need it. Turns out the both of you will fuck anything with a foreign accent. There’s plenty of young chicks and straight dudes out there. Keep a copy in your clutch and a tablet under your tongue. Just say it’s yours.

Photo Credit: Instagram