Scott Stapp Back In The Saddle

It turns out the War on Terror is not strategically centered around Scott Stapp as he had previously claimed in a series of grainy meth fueled ramblings shot atop fire blankets in the Motel 6. As I predicted at the time, the whole thing was in his head. Unfortunately when the sunlight broke through he was still the lead singer of Creed. Stapp feels lucky to be alive after entering rehab, where he was diagnosed as being bipolar, which is a genetic disorder brought on by years of using meth and being a leather pants clad smelly asshole:

“I was hallucinating. I drove around the United States for a month, following an angel that I saw on the hood of my car. In my delusional thinking, I thought my family was involved in ISIS, and that millions of dollars had been taken from me to support terrorism. All of it was nonsense. I was out of my mind.”

That’s fucking great. I get pulled over for having an oversized license plate frame as Scott Stapp speeds past me on the 5 guided by the angel of Cory Haim. After checking his bank account and assessing the damage, Stapp’s wife gladly welcomed him home so long as he wear a shock collar. It’s great to have him back. I guess. Jesus, take the wheel. Daddy’s got somewhere to be.

Photo Credit: Facebook