Tichelman Gets A Half Dozen

The Canadian dominatrix prostitute charged with killing Google executive Forrest Hayes has been sentenced to six years in prison for Involuntary Manslaughter. Surveillance video caught Alix Tichelman injecting Hayes with heroin on his yacht and throwing back some wine as he has a bad reaction and powered off forevermore. Unlike most drug dealing hookers who would perform CPR, call the authorities, and cry out for help from sleeping neighbors, Tichelman showed a reckless disregard for the well being of her john. Prior to this episode, Tichelman’s boyfriend had died from a heroin overdose and her previous boyfriend is doing time for injecting someone with heroin which also led to their death. At some point you do need to blame the Taliban for spreading the cheap shit on the market.

Tichelman has co-opted the Batman villain cornball habit of expressing hers confessions in bad poetry, which she often posted to Facebook. This one came after a break up:

“Sick of all the lies and all the pain you have given me, wrapped up in a bow like I thought I was supposed to be, But now you’re laying in a box, waiting to suffocate, Saving your last breath as you scratch at your coffin case. I know I’m crazy, but vengeance is mine.”

Tichelman has already served three years of her sentence, meaning she’ll be out and picking up a six pack of hypodermics by Thanksgiving. She’s 28 years old and has plenty of Manson style self-indulgent killings coupled with shitty soliloquies left in her. It took us fifty years to catch Robert Durst and he couldn’t satisfy your cutter fetish. Where’s the nearest Sportsbook? I’m taking over.

Photo Credit: Facebook