Conrad Hilton Can’t Be Contained

Because Rick Salomon can never be punished enough for making Paris Hilton famous, Paris’ mirthless younger brother has taken to stalking Salomon’s daughter Hunter after she broke up with him because she no longer wanted to date an asshole. Conrad Hilton was just sentences last week to three years fake rich kid probation for his violent outburst on an airplane last summer when he screamed at all the passengers that he could do whatever the fuck he wanted and his dad would spend the money needed to make it go away. Which while completely obnoxious, turned out to be factually correct. Now Conrad Hilton has violated a restraining order Hunter Salomon was granted after Hilton kept threatening to charge her room $16.99 plus tax to watch Matt LeBlanc movies from the 90’s. Hilton was busted breaking into his ex-girlfriend’s home and crying like he imagined people with feelings did when their children died from measles. With his third arrest this year and already on probation, the younger Hilton heir now faces the real possibility of even more fake punishments. Don’t think your dad’s bailing you out this time, son. Just kidding. Do you take Amex Black? There’s fifty in their for you, Deputy, if I can make my 11:00 am tee time.