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Sears Ditches the Confederate Flag, Racism Declared Over

June 24, 2015 | crowd favorites | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

I was pretty sure the Confederate Flag was still an iconic illustration on a good bit of consumer merchandise. I had no idea Sears was still in business. A bunch of national retailers, along with NASCAR, the University of Alabama, several governors, and the one hit wonder who sang ‘Hey, Mickey’ have all declared the Confederate Flag as symbol non-grata. The flag they’re referring to wasn’t ever the flag of the Confederate States of America, but the battle flag of General Lee’s army that proved more popular among the mall teens of the day. Warner Bros. consumer products also announced they’d be stripping the flag off of the actual General Lee Dukes of Hazzard toy cars. It’s simply time for the adults to get together and do something entirely symbolic in the face of a real challenge.

Blaming a flag is certainly more efficient than considering the vast difficulties of monitoring and mitigating mental illness among a subset of young adult males. These dissociative loners who climb up out of their basements and blow away a bunch of innocents always prompt a cursory and quickdraw examination of pathology that serves political agendas and a lazy news media. It’s guns or racism or disenfranchisement, never the fact that some teenager gave out warning signs of slipping into the mental ether for years while his friends and family and neighbors and teachers and counselors and doctors all kind of watched and made sure he didn’t have their new phone numbers. He seemed like a good kid. He mowed my lawn after I busted him for vivisecting my dog with a Bowie knife.

Hate crimes against black Americans have been trending downward for the two decades since the Feds started tracking. One is too many, but who knew this was becoming less of a problem? The vast majority of the ineffectual retards who belong to racist hate groups will never commit an assault, despite their Dixie tats and love of guns. Hate crimes themselves are spread evenly around the entire country. South Carolina has less official ‘hate groups’ than New Jersey or Ohio. The history of the South makes it more obviously racist. But it’s by no means more violent.

Fuck, keep the flag, don’t keep the flag, you’ve had 150 years to consider. I guess it was okay just last week. The most important thing is that public relations consultants for major retailers lead the charge in social progress. In the absence of real leadership, let Sears be our moral compass. Problem solved, black parishioners and kindergarten students. No way this happens again.

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