Woman Expires From Ass Implants

Two things can go wrong from getting under the table ass implants in an abandoned tenement basement in Queens. Either they take and people snicker and snap photos of you in line at Chipotle or you move on to that big stripper pole in the sky. Such happened with Kelly Mayhew, who went into distress moments after being ass cheek injected with unknown substances. Paramedics arrived, assumed she was twerking, and left the premises.

I get the tit thing. They come in handy for child rearing but the women who get the big fake ones are broken and incapable of love and hence rarely reproduce. You use your ass quite a bit. Walking up stairs, sitting down at work, and squatting down to take a shit in the parking lot at the Flying J. Those street drugs really run through you. I heard doing squats can enhance your ass but that sounds like work. I’m trying to attract fetishizing men on 2 for 1 drink night, not sweat out this water retention. Plus gym memberships are a bitch to cancel. Shelling out two grand to a KGB sympathizer in a filthy basement is chump change. Are you sitting on a waterbed? Bump some Iggy Azalea at the funeral I hear it’s going to be a good one.

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