Chris Brown’s House Robbed

Chris Brown’s house was robbed while he was at an ESPY party paying tribute to Caitlyn Jenner’s bronzed penis. The armed men forced themselves in and made Brown’s aunt wait in the closet where he keeps his stash of alt porn. They stole some possessions from his house that would have ended up at auction in a few years anyway and bounced. Brown’s aunt thinks it was an inside job. No shit. These dudes were probably smoking weed at the pool last week while taking selfies on their Tracfones. That’s why you don’t hang out with gang members when you’re a pussy who only knows how to dance like a bitch and punch women. Your friend pool dries up at that point. The Bloods are always available. Except for the first of the month when they visit that check cashing place. Odds are high this crime won’t be solved. It’s called making someone your bitch. Replace that shelf of Jordans, pussy. We’ll be back sometime before Christmas along with the Time Warner guy.

Photo Credit: Instagram