Trial Set For Dave Chappelle’s Banana Assailant

Hipsters and racists are both awful to be around and take a lot from society without giving back, but rarely can one douche check both boxes. Christian Englander threw a banana peel at Dave Chapelle while he was performing in New Mexico last year and has been charged with disturbing the peace and battery, because this was a super big banana. Englander either doesn’t understand the symbolism involved or is being coy, and pretending that throwing a banana peel at a black dude who happens to be obsessed with racism lacks any racist overtones:

“If I can, I would like to avoid a trial. I’m not afraid of the end result, but it’s a waste of human resources. There are real criminals out there they can try.” 

Even assholes occasionally make a good point or two. Englander had taken some dour hipster cunt to the show as his date and as Chappelle was performing she was sitting in the front row drawing in a sketchbook. When Chappelle noticed this and started making fun of them, Englander got pissed and the banana was thrown. I don’t know what’s worse, bringing a banana to a show for the purpose of making a racist statement, or bringing a banana to eat at a comedy show. Either way, completely unacceptable but I’d expect no less from a guy who brings a knitting wheel into Starbucks. Chapelle went to the police station after the show to confront Englander but unfortunately didn’t kill him and was more than likely tasered into a coma. Englander is guilty. Of this and so much more. Please don’t have kids.

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