Hailey Outland Bikini Stripdown

Somebody emailed me photos of this Miami model and asked me if I liked her. I believe it was some kind of grade school gay test which has since been outlawed in the new millennium. They were rigorous back in the days before we were politically correct. One misstep and the toughest kid in fourth grade called you a homo. It was crude, but it kept the school yard regulated. Years later we’d learn that the bully was running an interior design firm with his life partner and everything suddenly made sense. Everybody clamors for progress. Nobody has plans on how to backfill the social void. When there are no bullies, everybody becomes one. Or just self-entitled millennial assholes. Sell low on the future. The cranky old man on the front porch turned out to be right.

Photo Credit: Alessandra Fiorini