Rosie O’Donnell Gets Another Penis Off the Street

After Rosie O’Donnell tracked down her teen daughter Chelsea in the home of some 20-something dude she met on Tinder, O’Donnell and her press machine went into overdrive pushing the story that her daughter was mentally ill and off her meds and this Steven Sheerer she met was a hardened criminal and a predator. The alternative is that her daughter is sick of her adopted mom’s nut baggery and wanted to get the hell out of Dodge and get laid by the first reasonably handsome dude she met. But that just seems ludicrous compared to Rosie’s version of events.

This dude never touched her daughter the entire time she was away, leaving O’Donnell unable to give her tear-filled speech about the sacred hymen violation of her Chelsea. O’Donnell uncovered two old drug arrests on Sheerer’s record, but he’d already been sentenced to probation for those offenses. O’Donnell moved to Plan C and confiscated her daughter’s phone, finding randy messages from this dude and things he liked to do with pretty girls in bed. O’Donnell had him arrested on ‘obscenity’ charges since her daughter’s only seventeen and this guy had a dick. It’s entirely unclear if Sheerer even knew Chelsea’s age from meeting on Tinder where lying is considered foreplay. Sheerer’s now being held on $40,000 bail and could face up to ten years in prison. Hell hath no fury like a fat lesbian thrice divorced mother of ninety-seven.

Photo credit: Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office